Alice and the Beanstalk
by purplelavenderpony
Summary: Alice is stuck in Wonderland feeling lost, confused, and crazy. Of course, she was all three. But then, she meets Absolem the caterpillar and he gives her some strange looking seeds... Before she knows it Alice is climbing up a beanstalk, asking for adventure.


Alice felt sick. All she wanted to do was to go home. At home, she wouldn't see Umbrella Vultures and singing flowers. She wouldn't see smoking caterpillars or go to a tea party with a Mad Hatter and a March Hare. She hated all of it. At first, she felt like she could finally get out of the real world and go to her own world. And to think that it all started with one rabbit. _Stupid rabbit_.

Currently, Alice was trying to find her way back from where she came from. She saw a sign that read **TULGEY WOODS**. _Didn't I pass this very log a few hours ago? Maybe this is the way back! _Alice thought to herself. But, as fast as she started to go that way, she found that this was not at all the way she came from. _What if I get stuck here forever? What will they do at home without me? _she wondered as she sat down on a rock. She reached into her pocket for the seeds that the caterpillar had given her. _I might as well plant these so that I can have food if I stay here, _Alice thought to herself as she started to dig a little hole for the odd looking seeds. As she put the seeds into the hole and started to cover it with dirt, she wished that the twins, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, were here. They were the only friends that she had made so far. But, on second thought, they _were_ a bit annoying.

As Alice started to look for something that she could use as a blanket- it was starting to get chilly out- she saw that her seeds were growing. _That was fast_, she thought as they started to grow taller, and taller, and taller, and… They seemed to reach the clouds! _Oh no! More magic? _Alice sighed as she tried to locate the top of the beanstalk. She could tell it was a beanstalk because, well, it smelled like beans! At the very top, she could see a golden light. It was so bright and shiny! _Maybe they're beans! I can use them as food! Or a house that I can live in until I get home! _The only way to find out was to go and see for herself. As she started to climb, she could tell that whatever was at the top was something really good.

After twenty minutes of climbing, Alice reached the top. There was a blinding golden light and the ground seemed to be made of mist- or clouds. As Alice looked around, she saw a ginormous castle in the distance. She found that the golden light was sunlight. She decided to see what was in the castle and maybe cast lodging there. As Alice started to walk on the clouds, she saw that she had to go very fast, or else she would sink into them. As she kept walking, she saw a… singing cat? "Twas brillig and the slithy toves. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves. And the momraths outgrabe."

"What's all that nonsense that you're singing?" Alice asked the cat. She wasn't that surprised to see a singing cat. After all, it wasn't that odd, compared to all the other things that she saw before in Wonderland.

"Just the Jabberwocky song!" the cat replied cheerfully. As Alice saw the cat up close, she noticed that it was half there and half wasn't.

"Why is half of your body missing?" Alice asked as nicely as she could.

"The real question is, my dear, is why your body is fully here," the Cheshire Cat replied mischievously.

"Ummmm…. Never mind what I said. Anyway, do you know who lives in that castle? Maybe they will let me stay there until I get h-h-home."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you. You see, the Giant lives there, and trust me, you DO NOT want to see him."

"Why not?" Alice asked suspiciously.

"He will eat you up of course!" The Cheshire Cat was _way_ too happy for Alice's taste.

"Okay, I have to go now. See you 'round." Alice said while hurrying away.

"Okay, but remember my warning!" And with that, the cat disappeared.

As Alice walked on, she felt very confused. A mysterious disappearing cat told her not to go in to the castle, but it seemed that the castle was the only normal place around here. To Alice, anything that wasn't magical, talking even though it wasn't alive, or "mad" was normal. The castle seemed even more grand and beautiful now. Alice was getting closer to it and couldn't help noticing how spacey it looked, spacey enough to hold a lot of people. Maybe they would even have enough space to let _her _stay for a little while.

The castle was closer to Alice than she thought. As she made her way to the castle, she wondered what it looked like inside. She imagined a magical palace with crystal floors and marble walls. Delicious pastries and fresh picked fruit lay in plates awaiting for someone to eat them. Cute kittens and puppies would be asleep on the floor on beds made of silk. The furniture would be vintage wood and polished until they shone. There would be beautiful maids that would tend to her every need. When she would knock on the door, they would take her in and let her stay for as long as she wanted, like in fairytales. As Alice kept daydreaming about the wonderful place that she would be visiting, she didn't even realize that she had reached it. As Alice looked on, she found that the castle was a lot bigger than her. The door was at least ten times her height! But, as Alice tried to look for a way in, she found that she could easily fit through the crack under the door.

As she came out through the other side, Alice found that the castle was pretty scrawny compared to what she had imagined. The floors were regular concrete and in the center of the room, there was a circular rug. It was so filthy that she couldn't even make out what it said on it. The walls looked to be made of brick, and whoever had painted it had done a very bad job. It was a very shabby yellow that almost looked brown because it was so dirty. The floor was just as mucky as the walls, with little dust bunnies everywhere. Instead of the gourmet food that Alice had imagined waiting on the tables, there was one bowl of bread, fruits, eggs, and some vegetables. The furniture was made of regular wood. It didn't even look like someone lived here! In fact, Alice's own house was much better than this. As she looked around, the only "cute" animals that she saw were a few geese and a harp with a face. _Wait, what? A harp with a face?_ Alice decided to go and talk to it, well, if it _could _talk.

"Hi My name's Alice! What's yours?" Alice asked from the ground.

"Oh, hello there! I'm a harp. Why don't you come up here next to me?" the harp replied cheerfully.

_A talking harp? What next, dancing utensils? Well, at least this harp seems nice and actually _sane_! Unlike some other people… _Alice thought to herself, thinking of the Cheshire Cat.

"Okay, I'll be right there." Alice said as she climbed up a chair, jumped onto a table, and dragged herself onto the shelf that the harp lay on.

"So, what are you doing in such an ugly place like this? In fact, now that I bring it up, what type of person even lives here?" Alice asked.

"Well, if you really want to know, it's a long story. So get comfortable!"

Alice settled down and waited for the harp to continue.

"I once used to live in Wonderland, but then the Red Queen took me from my homeland. I was about to escape, but then the Red Queen caught me, so she decided to give me as a present to the giant. She knew that I couldn't escape if I was with him. So now I have to sing a song for the giant everyday and make him fall asleep. By doing this, she also paid a debt that she had with the giant, too," the harp said in one breath. "In fact, I think you should leave now because he chops off your head and eats you if you enter his castle."

"Okay, wow. First of all, I feel so bad for you because you have to live in THIS place. Second, who is the Red Queen? And third, why don't you escape when the giant is gone, like right now?"

"Thanks for your sympathy. I can't escape because the giant has such a great sense of smell that he can smell someone that is in the outskirts of Wonderland from here. He sprays me with bug spray every single day before he leaves the castle so that he can smell me if I try to escape. It's not as vast as it seems from the outside because it has only one floor. He just built it like that so that people would come into the castle and he could eat them when he came home. In actuality, this castle has a dining room, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a squishy little goat pen in the corner of the dining room. Poor little goats. The Giant found them one day when he was out hunting. They lay golden eggs every day, and it is said that they make you younger and very beautiful if you eat one every single day. So far, I haven't seen any changes in the Giant. Oh, and the Giant goes hunting every morning and comes back at noon to eat lunch, which is usually what he catches. After he eats his lunch, he goes to the casino and gambles on games. When he comes back at dinnertime, he eats an egg and goes to sleep. The Red Queen is one of his biggest opponents at the casino.

"Oh. Wonderland actually is as reckless and crazy as I thought it was!" Alice replied. "Anyway, can you sing me a song? I heard the March Hare and Mad Hatter talking about you before. "

"Well, alright. But only because I used to know them back when I lived in Wonderland," the harp reluctantly agreed. "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up, above the world so high. Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are."

When the harp looked at Alice, she saw that she was fast asleep. The harp knew that the Giant would come any minute now, and there was nothing she could do to hide Alice because she had no arms. _Oh no. I guess another one of these poor strangers will have to be eaten, _the harp thought to herself. Every time she met someone, they would beg her to sing them a song and they would fall asleep. Then the Giant would come and eat them. There was nothing she could do about her singing. It was just so powerful that it made everyone get drowsy when they heard her sing. _I should make a song all about loud sounds. Then everyone wouldn't fall asleep when they hear me sing. _But, the harp knew that even this wouldn't stop people from falling asleep to her singing.

"**FE FI FO FUM. I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISH ONE. I'LL EAT THEM UP AND USE THEIR BONES TO GRIND MY BREAD. " **

The Giant had already come! The harp had no idea what to do, especially since the first thing that he did was make sure that the harp was still there. The harp looked around, desperate to find something that would make Alice survive from the Giant. Suddenly, the harp's eyes landed on the goose pen, which was right below the shelf that she was standing on. It wasn't that far down, but since Alice was sleeping, there was no way to get her down there. The goose pen was pretty safe because there were little cracks in the pen in which someone could hide. The harp gulped, trying not to get frustrated. The only thing to do was to push Alice down, and maybe even risk a few broken limbs. _Okay, well here goes!_ _At least Alice will be safe down there, _the harp thought to herself as she pushed Alice off the shelf. Fortunately, Alice landed in the corner of the pen, hidden from view.

**"COME HERE, YOU OLD HARP! HAS ANYONE VISITED TODAY?" **The Giant asked. _If only he had manners, I would actually like it here,_ the harp thought wistfully. Lately, the Giant was always asking the harp if anyone had come into the castle. _It's probably that mirror that he ordered a couple weeks ago. _

"N-n-n-no, Mr. Giant," the harp replied as softly as she could. The Giant would behead her if she talked back to him. A few days ago, a few gooses had even been beheaded because they didn't lay their eggs on time. "The goose have laid their eggs already, and they are as golden as ever!" the harp tried changing the subject.

**"THEY BETTER HAVE!"** the giant replied moodily. _There goes my attempt to cheer him up,_ the harp thought depressingly. The harp watched as the Giant knelt down into the pen to get the eggs. Then, she heard a very odd sound. It sounded like someone was sniffing….

**"WHO DARES TO ENTER THE CASTLE!" **the giant bellowed. **"AND HOW DARE YOU LET A STRANGER IN THE CASTLE?" **The Giant was very furious now and he was throwing a very big tantrum.

"W-w-w-w-what stranger, Mr. Giant? I didn't see anyone come in," the harp stammered, even though she perfectly well did see someone come in. To the harp's horror, the Giant lifted Alice out of the pen and held her in his palm.

"**WHAT CAN I DO TO GET SOME DECENT SECURITY AROUND HERE?" **The Giant yelled. "**YOU HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE BEFORE YOU GET BEHEADED LIKE THOSE GEESE DID! WATCH THIS IMPOSTER WHILE I GO WASH MY HANDS! GET READY TO COOK A MEAL FOR ME!**" With that, the Giant stormed off into the bathroom. _No matter how many times you wash your nasty hands, they will never be clean, _the harp though angrily. It wasn't fair that the Giant treated her like a servant! Even the Red Queen treated her better than this! There was nothing else that the harp could do but sigh and get ready to cook.

When the Giant came back from the bathroom, he started to give the harp orders on what to cook. "**I WANT SOME ROAST BEEF AND SAUSAGES FOR MY MAIN COURSE. IN CASE YOU DID NOT KNOW, ROAST BEEF IS THE SWEDISH TERM FOR BEEF THAT IS ROASTED. MY APPETIZER HAS TO BE FRIED DEER AND SLIGHTLY GRILLED MOOSE. FOR DESSERT, COOK THIS HUMAN TO A ROAST AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU PLUCK HER HAIR OUT BEFORE YOU DO SO. EVERYTHING HAS TO BE READY BY 6:00 SHARP!**" Then, the Giant stomped into his room. It was already 5:15. There was no way that the harp could finish cooking everything that quickly. That was what she always thought before she started. And everyday, she somehow made it. _I guess I better get started,_ the harp thought to herself.

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Forty minutes later, the harp was done cooking everything except for Alice. By now, Alice was awake and trying to come up with a plan to escape. Unfortunately, before the Giant went off to watch TV, he tied Alice with some used dental floss (the harp was surprised that he even had some) to the oven handle. The harp could easily cut Alice out with a knife, but the Giant was watching very carefully. The harp had decided that she would serve the Giant everything (except the dessert) and give him some leftover moose as desert.

**"IS THE FOOD READY YET? IT BETTER BE, BECAUSE I HAVE A KNIFE WAITING IN MY POCKET!" **the Giant warned.

"Y-yes, yes! I will have the dessert ready in one minute!" the harp replied cautiously. If her voice trembled too much, the Giant would become suspicious of her.

**"YOU ARE LUCKY THAT I'M IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY!" **the Giant bellowed before hobbling off.

There were five minutes left before the Giant finished his meal. It was either now or never. Just then, the doorbell rang. Visitors would expect the sound to echo all over the grand castle that the magnificent Giant owned. But, then again, the castle was not grand, and the Giant was not magnificent. Either way, it did not change the fact that the harp was in charge of opening the door. Since the harp was so small, it took her at least 20 minutes just to get to the door. The Giant, who didn't hear the doorbell, was still waiting for his dessert, and Alice still needed to be saved. Everything was coming at the harp at once! That gave the harp an idea.

"Pssst… Alice! Now is your chance to escape!" the harp whispered as quietly as she could. As she started to cut Alice free, she noticed that Alice was daydreaming.

"Huh? What? Oh sorry, I just thought I saw some knargles," Alice replied.

"Come again? Did you just say knargles?" the harp asked, confused.

"Didn't you use to live in Wonderland? I saw them when I talked with the flowers. They live in the mistletoe and they are very shy," Alice replied as if she lived in Wonderland all of her life.

"We are wasting time! Quick, listen to me!" the harp exclaimed, not wanting to admit that she didn't know what a knargle was. "Just go and answer the door. Pretend to be me. Then, act as if you are closing the door and escape! Now is your chance!"

"What about you?" Alice asked.

"I-I'll just stay here and work for the Giant," the harp replied sadly.

"No! I can't let you stay here and die!" Alice argued.

"Well… Let me at least serve the dessert to him first. But you go ahead and open the door," the harp insisted.

"Okay, fiiiiiine!" Alice whined, but she started to climb off the countertop anyway. "You better be by the door in one minute, though."

"Okay!" the harp quickly affirmed. With that, she picked up the bowl of decoy Alice and jumped off the stove.

Alice opened the door painstakingly (after all, she _was_ very tiny) and said hello to the mailman. To her surprise, he was as tall as the Giant!

"Ummmm, hello?" Alice wasn't really sure what to say.

"Finally! Do you know how busy this job is? If I'm one minute late, my boss will execute me and put my head on his 'Wall of Heads'," the mailman shouted.

"Sounds painful! So do you have anything for the Giant?" Alice asked, stalling for the harp.

"NOOOOOO! I just came here to say hello!" the mailman yelled.

_This mailman has some problems, _Alice thought to herself.

"Oh, really? Well, um, I don't think that the Giant wants any company now. He is eating his dinner at this moment," Alice quickly acknowledged.

"These people have some problems!" the mailman muttered. "Don't you know what sarcasm is?"

"No," Alice answered.

"Oh well. Look it up in the dictionary. Anyway, a delivery has come for the Giant, and we need him to come sign something," the mailman continued.

_Uh oh. I need to escape now! Where is that harp?_ Alice panicked. "He, um, is in the middle of a meal. If you dare to disturb him, he will behead you!" Alice quickly mustered with the knowledge that she learned from the harp.

"GRRRRRRRR! Stupid Giant! Fine! You can sign it for him!" the mailman grumbled.

"Okay," Alice replied, relieved. She quickly signed a scribble and put the package inside next to the door. When she got back outside to escape, the mailman was still there. "What are you still doing here?" Alice questioned.

"I'm still here for two reasons. One, please don't tell the Giant that I called him stupid. And two…I need a tip," the mailman confessed.

"I won't give you a tip, but I promise that I won't tell the Giant what you called him," Alice offered.

"Deal," the mailman uttered, and then quickly ran away.

_Phew! At least I got that over with_, Alice thought. _When is the harp going to be here? I mean, how long does it take to give a Giant some food? _Now that Alice thought about it, she really didn't know. Just then, the harp came rushing out of the castle.

"Sorry I was so late! The Giant was just getting a little suspicious. Anyway, this is our chance! Come on, let's go!" the harp blurted out before pulling Alice along with her to the opening in the clouds where the beanstalk was. "You can go first, but hurry!"

Alice slid through the hole, but found that she was a little stuck. "Um, harp? I'm having a little trouble getting through," Alice defied.

"I'll push you down! You have to hurry, though, because I have a feeling that the Giant knows that I escaped!"

"I'm trying!" Alice screamed, just as the Giant came into view from a distance. She was trying as hard as she could to get through, but it seemed that the more she struggled, the smaller the hole got. The Giant was only one foot away from them now.

The next moment happened so fast that even Alice didn't know what had happened. It felt like it happened in one second, which it probably did. In that second, the Giant grabbed the harp while Alice slid through the hole. In the half a second that Alice looked up, she saw the harp screaming as she got lifted up higher and higher off the ground.

Currently, Alice saw that she was sliding down the beanstalks. To her surprise, there were no leaves. When she got to the ground, she noticed that the beanstalk was getting thinner and thinner, until it looked like one long piece of yarn. Then, it just disappeared! _Where did it go? _Alice wondered. Then she remembered. The caterpillar said that it only lasted for five hours. Back at that moment, Alice had been confused at what he meant. Now she finally knew.

Just then, Alice saw the moon. It was in the shape of a crescent. As Alice got closer to it, she realized that it was a set of teeth. A very shiny set of teeth! Alice reached out to touch it when it magically turned into a cat!

"Surprised to see me?" the Cheshire Cat asked.

"Yes! You scared me!" Alice replied honestly.

"Well, if you really want to know, he went thatta way," the cat mischievously answered.

"Wait, who?" Alice questioned.

"The white rabbit of course!" the cat replied crossly. With that, he danced away, singing some gibberish.

_What rabbit?_ Alice thought. Then it came to her. It was the rabbit that she was chasing before she fell into the hole. _Maybe it can lead me back home! _Alice refreshed her hope. Then, she skipped away at the direction that the Cheshire Cat had pointed, confident that she was on her way home. The only thing that she didn't know was that the Cheshire Cat was lying. J


End file.
